Still running, and this is why:

When running, it can seem as though the whole world is ahead of you, and gives a unique sense of being able to achieve just about anything:

And in seconds you can look back over your shoulder and see how far you've come in such little time:

I love this. I am not talented enough, as a writer, to put into words the feeling that I experienced on this particular run, so I hope the photos can go part way to demonstrating what I mean.

The images above were taken toward the end of an amazing run. Across 10 miles, I was running toward sunny, blue skies - with dark clouds and what looked like rain behind me. I managed to stay ahead of the rain right up until I reached the main road on my way back home. Rain did eventually catch up with me, and I got caught in a thunder storm, but there was something pretty glorious about running through that in itself. It was such fun!

As I explained in this post, I no longer run with single aim of 'getting skinny' in mind. For many different reasons, I no longer force myself out of the door but I look forward to getting my training shoes on and am eager to set foot on my running routes. In fact the only reason that I don't run more than I do, is because I feel guilty about leaving the children so often.

I discover, almost every time that I hit the road, that I am getting some fresh enjoyment from running. I find that I am running for new and differing reasons to what I had considered before. On my run yesterday, when I covered 10 miles in the comfortable pace of 3.5 hours, I discovered the solid sense of ability, confidence and accomplishment that can come from running.

Although I usually hate photos of myself, and the above is a particularly 'bad' photo with messy hair and chubby cheeks, I took this in a moment when I felt on top of the world, and seeing this photo makes me really happy. I cherish this time. This is 'my' time. If I had to put into words how I feel about running at the moment, I would say that I'm falling in love with it.

Why Run?

There have got to be lots of ways to get fit, right? If you're interested in why I chose running, or you're thinking of starting to run, here are my personal reasons to run:

• Convenience. Running is something I can do on my own, with no equipment required (except for my super cushy springy runny shoes). It is something I can do as much or as little of as I please, or am able to fit in. I am able to make my own schedule, make my own rules, be my own fitness coach. I am able to slip in to my running shoes while my husband distracts our little ones, and be out of the door in 3 minutes before any of them notice. I can be back in 30 minutes, having completed my work out for the day, before my children have the chance to actually miss me.  If I want to run longer, I can go out after bedtime and enjoy the evening air. It's liberating. It's exhilarating. It's freedom. It's MY time. And I own it.
• Running feels good. Believe it or not, once you get past the first few hard runs, you stop forcing yourself to go out the door and you get to a point where you can barely wait to get out there! Running is addictive. It feels good. This is because of endorphins. These little feel-good chemicals are released in our bodies when we run. Endorphins are well-known to help relieve stress (and even ease the symptoms of depression). When I run, I feel good for hours afterwards. More than, 'good', I feel almost euphoric. I feel positive, excited, in control... elated. You've heard of 'runners' high', right? Well, it actually exists! It is a highly motivating influence in getting me out of the door each day.
• Self-esteem. Running helps me to feel good about myself. I am actively doing something to help improve my health and my fitness level. I am tackling my weight problem in a healthy and sensible way. I am in control. I am making positive changes, setting myself goals and meeting them. I am achieving. 
• Me-time. Being a mum of 3 tiddlers, I don't often get much 'me-time'. When I am running, it is my time. It is my time to think about whatever I would like to, or to think of nothing at all. When running I can clear my mind and just enjoy the pounding of my feet upon the pavement. When I am running, my only responsibility is to myself. I do not need to think about what the children are doing, what the house looks like, or anything at all. All I need to do, is complete my run. I love this. This is my time.
• Getting outside. It sounds corny, and maybe it is, but when I run I feel 'connected' in some way. I am outdoors, with the wind brushing through my hair, I can breath in fresh air while my feet tread over dirt or grass, while I run past trees and flowers and birds... Running outside connects you to nature and brings a new appreciation for the outdoors. Corny, but true. You might not realise how much you can appreciate 'nature' until you get out there and experience it regularly.
• Improvement. Achievement. When running, I can set myself goals and achieve them. I can aim to run further, or faster. I can achieve. I can aspire. I can better myself. I can see myself improve. I am limitless. I am free. There is nothing that is beyond my capabilities, I can do anything. Running puts me in a position of power, and shows me just how much I can make of myself. Running is 'me' becoming the best version of myself.

That is why I run. When I started running, my only reason was, "to lose weight", but I discovered that there are much more compelling reasons to get out there and get running. Why don't you give it a go yourself, and find out why YOU run?

A Penny Drops...

I have felt very motivated since I last posted. I think it is due to a new perspective that I have adopted. That new perspective is to do with 'this' not being about 'skinny' anymore, but about being healthy. That in mind, I have traded my car in for my legs and I am walking wherever possible. The distance doesn't matter - If there is a safe pedestrian footpath all the way there, the car stays at home.

I suddenly realised I don't need to depend on my husband to babysit so that I can go running, or wait until the children are all in bed (when I may be too tired) to do an exercise DVD: I can get exercise every day just by walking instead of driving! I got my car less than 2 years ago, and since then I have gained about 3.5 stone. I think my body may be trying to tell me something! It's time I pricked up my ears and really listened to what my body is saying.

Just to prove what I am saying is true, here is a photo of me when I was pregnant with my twins, before I started driving:



I wasn't on any special diet to keep my weight in check. I didn't ever think about what I ate - I just used to walk everywhere. I think walking is under-rated as exercise goes, so I'm giving it a real go leaving the car at home at every opportunity.

I think the penny has finally dropped, that could make all the difference for me now. It's not about getting thin anymore, it's about getting healthy - and I've really surprised myself in realising that I want that much more than I care about what my body looks like! Losing weight will be a bonus. A big bonus, but it's not the focal point. Getting fit is. And being healthy.

When I was in college, I used to get up at 6 every day to jog the 16 miles there. Then I'd get the bus home, have dinner, and get on my bike to cycle 16 miles to my boyfriend's house - and cycle back again afterwards, too. I loved exercise and being active, and I want to get back to that. When I started college and started walking and cycling everywhere, I dropped 5 dress sizes (went from an 18 to an 8) without even trying OR noticing. I just noticed the fitness aspect and how much I was enjoying myself and loving the exercise and the 'runners high' that I used to get.

As I'm becoming more active now, it's all flooding back. The post-run-euphoria, the enjoyment of walking for miles in the evening sunshine, the sense of satisfaction upon arriving after working hard to get somewhere. I've found that I don't care quite so much about 'skinny' anymore. I want to be fit and healthy. That's what I really care about.

And I think that's what's kept me on track since I last posted as well. I don't think 'skinny' is a realistic, healthy or sustainable goal or motivator, because it's long-term, it's too far off in the future. I think I would grow bored or frustrated if skinny was my only goal, and would be at risk of giving up long before my goal was within grasp. Because I'm the type of person who has to see results to keep myself in the game. Fitness and Health are long-term goals but they are ongoing goals as well. I can see results each time it easier to walk that distance, each time I walk a little further, run a little faster, get less out of breath... I can see my improvement in bite sizes and can set mini-goals along the way as well that will keep me motivated and on-course.

So, with these mini-motivating-goals in mind, I have decided to enter this: http://www.kilomathon.com/?pages_id=2472 It gives me something to think and work and train towards. It's not until October, so I have plenty of time to train, prepare and make sure that I am capable. I'll only go for the 6.55km as it's the first event like this that I'll have entered. Next year I can go for 13km or 26 depending on how fit I am by then. I feel very excited thinking about all that is to come - my growing fitness, entering events, being fit enough to run these long distances. Any weight lost will be a bonus in my eyes. But it's not what it's about. Not anymore.

It really helps to have a goal, which is ongoing. It's no good having a goal like, "Skinny". Skinny is not my friend. So, I get skinny.... then what? I stop trying and put weight on again? Skinny is not my goal. Healthy is. And in my goal being to be healthy, it means I am not on a diet. I am not running to get skinny. I am running to be healthy and eating healthy foods that will nourish my body and give me energy. It is a lifestyle change and it is a lifeLONG change.

This thought used to fill me with dread. I used to sit and think, "I can never eat like I want to again - Even once I am skinny, I'll have to stay on a diet for the rest of my life, or I'll just get fat again!". Now I think about my healthy future, being a fit and keen running person... and I am excited! I want to be that person! As Winston Churchill said, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal; It is the courage to continue that counts". This is ongoing. I am turning my life around. I may well have some days where I don't get out there and run like I should, or where I take the car down the road into town rather than walking it, or where I eat gluten or sit on the couch all day - But failure is not fatal, because I can pick it up where I left off. I have the courage to continue. My goal (success - skinny?) is not final - My goal is ongoing. My goal is continuance.

I can't wait to enjoy the rest of my life as a fit, active and healthy person. Right now, I put on my running clothes and I'm aware I look ridicules at a size 16 with a bulging belly and wobbly thighs, but it's all for a purpose, and when I hit the street eventually in size 10 running clothes to go for a 10k run, people who sniggered at me now will not be sniggering then.

Runner's High, Endorphins and Eliza Dusku

I came across this picture when searching for Eliza Dushku pictures for some inspiration. I loved her as Faith in 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', and Missy in 'Bring It On'. I think her body is to die for. She's not crazy-skinny, and shes always looked so athletic and, above all, healthy. I would be a very happy bunny if I looked anything like the above picture - toned and slim.

But it's the caption I love the most.

"I'm addicted to endorphines: good, clean, healthy and free!"

I have experienced "runner's high" myself and can vouch for how good it feels. Why not feel like that every day? It's good, it's clean, it's healthy, it's free - AND it will help me achieve my weight loss / body goals. I think I'll go out for a run tonight. I don't care how cold it is. 

I did it!

I've been attempting the 'NHS Couch to 5k' for 2 weeks now... Today, I finally managed to complete the Week 1 podcast. And it felt easy! I could have kept going - I wanted to keep going! I don't know if that's the thyroxine working its magic, or my persitence and determination finally improving my stamina. Either way, I feel so much fitter now than when I first started out.

My diet is going well. I'm easily sticking below 1600 calories every day. And best of all, I feel good about myself. I've wanted to change for so long now and I'm finally doing it - I'm actually doing it!

So, what do we reckon? Time for progress photos? I think so!

Before:



Now:



Before:



Now:



Before:



Now:



Before:



Now:



I think there is a slight visible difference, but even if I can't see it yet, I feel so much healthier - and so much better about myself! When I started Couch to 5k, only 2 weeks ago, I could barely get through the warm up walk. Today I was able to complete the week 1 podcast, and could have gone on longer! I'm excited to get out and go for my run - I don't feel like I'm forcing myself anymore. And generally, I have so much energy - the horrible fatique that I've been living with for the last year or two is surely fading away...

The scales are testifying my hard work and success as well:

Starting weight:



Weight at last weigh in:



I need to weigh in again, soon. I'll also take my measurements before my next blog entry here and see if there's been any change in the inches!

I feel 100% determined to see this through, and I can't wait to see where I am this time next year.