This really is begining to feel like a very long battle. I feel like I'm trying to swim against the tide. I had a repeat blood test last week that showed that my hypothyroidism is not yet quite controlled, which, according to my GP, will be making it harder for me to lose weight. On top of this I had an appointment with Dr G last week where I was told that the Budesonide that I was on hadn't worked and the inflammation inside me was increasing. Because of this I am now having to take Prednisolone, a different type of steroid. Unfortunately a side effect of this medication is weight gain. The last thing I need. I've only been taking Pred for a week and already I've gained weight. I am now back up to 14st, or 196lbs.
I'm determined not to feel defeated, though. Although the weather has been bad, so my recent relative inactivity may have contributed to my weight gain in part, I haven't changed my diet since starting Prednisolone, so I can only assume that the new medication and my badly behaving thyroid gland are largely responsible for the pounds creeping back on. While the temptation is there to say, 'To hell with it then! It doesn't matter what I do - I'm never going to shift this weight. What's the point?', the point is this:
If I am gaining weight on <1500 kcals a day, what is going to happen if I start eating mindlessly again?
For the first time in a long time, I am actually constantly mindful of what I am consuming. I think about eating healthily, portion sizes, not eating out of habit or boredom etc. I think about these things every day. This is still the longest that I have ever stuck with anything like this. I am reluctant to call it a 'diet', but if that is what it is, it's the longest I've ever stuck to one.
I'm afraid that if I drop these lifestyle changes that I have worked so hard to bring about, I'll never be able to pick them back up again. So while I may not be seeing great results at the minute, it's worth sticking out. It's about damage control. It's about keeping 'healthy' at the front of my mind. It's about maintaining, and continuing to strive for a better, healthier version of myself.
I am frustrated and fed up with my body, and how long this is taking, and how hard it is, but I am as determined and motivated as I ever have been.