Targets and LFCC.

One of the dates I was aiming to have lost a lot of weight by, the London Film and Comic Con, came and went yesterday. I am still over 3stone away from my goal weight. I really wanted to be happy with the photos of myself that I got out of the day but of a total of 20, I've put just 4 on Facebook.

Last year at this event I was 11st 7 and a size 12-14, now I am 13st and a size 16 - but I think the biggest difference is in my face:

Last year:



Now:



I had really wanted to get back to 11st 7 by this year, and back to looking like me again. But I have to look on the positive side - when I started trying to lose weight I was 14st 5, and I'm now 13st. I need to keep going!

I'm no longer doing the VLCD for mental health reasons. I'm eating healthily and exercising and I now have a month to the second target date (SILs wedding), and I'm hoping to have lost at least half a stone by then.

No weigh in this week

Yesterday was supposed to be Weigh In (WI) day. That didn't happen. My mum's partner asked if we could do it another day, as he needed to complete his tutor-marked assessment as part of his Open Degree. I can understand that having the 5 children (my 3, and my younger brother and sister) running excitedly around the house might have been a little distracting, so my mum and I agreed to WI next Sunday instead.

I was secretly relieved as Saturday was my husband's surprise 30th birthday party and I had made the decision that I was going to take the day off of my diet. I regretted eating. The food wasn't as great as I remembered or imagined it would be, and I was in flare up with my Crohn's disease all night and all of Sunday. I'm not beating myself up for 'falling off the wagon', though. After all, it didn't feel like a loss of control, but rather a bad decision. I knew what I was doing, weighed up the pros and cons and made the choice to break my diet. I was in total control. And I can learn from this.

From the full 7 days that I completed on the VLCD before Saturday, I have learnt that I can take or leave food. And that I can actually do this diet. I am a little nervous about how my gut will react to food when I refeed, and if I will instantly go into flare up when I am trying to eat solid food, but I'm trying not to think of that for now. For now I am getting some relief from the pain and sickness, and I am losing much needed weight along the way. I will cross all the other bridges when I come to them.

From eating on Saturday, and the pain and illness that followed, I have learnt that food is - without any doubt - not worth it.

Not weighing in was a bit of a bummer but it gives me a week to correct any damage done by my 'day off', to work out hard and to lose as much weight as possible.

Short term plan: Stick to VLCD 100% for the full week (No crafty splashes of milk in my tea!), work out 3 times a week, walk the school run (total 8 miles a day). See AMAZING results on WI day.

After that, I'm just taking each day and week as it comes for now.

Random things that motivate me #005

 Competition

Although the reason behind me doing this VLCD was to ease my crohn's disease into remission, I have had to keep myself motivated in other ways to break my eating habits and, especially as I have started to feel better in my stomach, I've had to keep reminding myself of the various reasons that I am sticking to this diet - aside from preventing belly ache and bloating. One of the things that has kept me motivated the most this week has been my competitive nature.

My scales have broken so I have taken to weighing in every Sunday at my mum's house. My mum is also trying to lose weight. Last week when we weighed in she had lost 2 lbs and I had gained. The sense of competition and wanting to lose as much as, or more than, my mum has kept me on track this week and I have stuck rigidly to this Very Low Calorie No-Solid-Food Diet (Bar, one or two hot drinks that shouldn't strictly have had milk or sugar in. There have been no major slip-ups.). I am aiming for a really strong end to the week with no drinks other than water and my 3 VLCD shakes a day. I am eager to weigh in on Sunday and discover who has been the biggest loser!

Random things that motivate me #004

Reality:

I felt particularly fat after my shower last week and decided to take a photo of myself to serve as a reminder. There have been a few times that I have been tempted to cheat on this diet, but looking at this photo is always enough to change my mind. I have a copy on my phone that goes everywhere with me and every time that I think about food, I look at this. I am reminded that the only person who I'd be cheating, by eating, is myself. I look at this and I reminded that food is just not worth it. It's not worth it at all...

VLCD Update

I've been on the liquid diet for a few days now and I have amazing news to update you with:

For the first time in a very long time, I am not in pain with my crohn's disease!

This is an amazing result in such a short space of time! It would seem that food really has been aggravating my symptoms. I can see why really, as the nature of crohn's disease is that my insides are inflamed and lined with aphthous ulcers. Everybody knows that mouth ulcers heal faster if they are not rubbing against anything else in the mouth, so it stands to reason that giving the ulcers inside of me a break from the friction of food moving over them will help them to heal. 

Over the last few days, I have only been tempted to eat food once. I actually thought about buying myself a veggie burger while on a day out, and for a time I was not sure what I was going to do. It was touch and go, but I then realised that I simply had to decide that I was not going to eat, and after that it was easy. At the end of that day I was so proud of myself for having made the right choice. I feel certain that it would not have tasted as nice as I was imagining it to be, and I can only imagine how bad I would have felt in myself if I had given in to temptation on day two! It would have been full of gluten as well so it would have really made my tummy bloat out, and would have caused me a lot of pain.

Now that my stomach is feeling better, it is important that I remember just how poorly I've been over these past few months. I need to keep telling myself that eating will probably make me feel like that again. I'm quite excited at the possibility that this diet may get my crohn's disease completely into remission!

As well as the health benefits, I am now starting to get really excited about finally seeing some great results with my weight loss. I weigh in next Sunday at my mum's house (my own scales are broken so I can't take any sneaky peaks!) and I'm really hoping to see a significant loss. Although this 'lifestyle change'-now-cum-diet has always been first and foremost about getting healthy, my weight has also been an issue for me for a long time.

The next few days should be relatively easy for me in terms of sticking to the diet, as my husband is on leave from work until Thursday. I haven't been tempted to binge yet (touch wood), but if I do feel the urge, it should be easier to ignore, or, rather, harder to listen to with him around, as I only ever binge in private.

There are a few aspects of this diet that I am finding more difficult than the actual abstinence of food itself. For a start, I feel very irritable and find it hard to concentrate or think straight, the amount of water that I need to drink makes me need to pee like Seabiscuit, which is rather uncomfortable, and while we're on the subject of drinking, I am really, really missing tea and coffee!

I'm trying only to drink water as, while I am technically doing this diet to give my stomach a rest from solid food, I know that I will see the best weight loss results if I stick rigidly to the VLCD rules. I feel quite tired and drained at times, probably due to caffeine withdrawal, but most of all I miss the social, habitual and comforting nature of drinking tea and coffee. I think that I could live without food forever, if I could drink as much tea and coffee as I liked.

All in all I am feeling very positive and determined, and my stomach feels a lot better for not having food passed through it. It's all good for now!