Love Your Body - It's The Only One You've Got!

I'm on the final stretch of pre-wedding weight loss (sis-in-law's wedding, not mine) and I'm really pushing myself. I feel completely back to normal post-op, so I've been out pounding the pavement almost every day. I'm back to running and kickboxing. I smiled sweetly at hubby and got myself a bicycle and I've been walking everywhere, regardless of distance, regardless of having to sling one of my infants on my back when their legs get tired, regardless of weather - my car now lives on the driveway unless there is no safe pedestrian pathway.

And the more I exercise, the more I realize that I don't actually hate my body as it is. In fact, I feel like I'm falling in love with it!

I realise that, far from hating my body like I used to, I now respect and adore it, for it is my body as it is - not skinny, not especially fit, not toned, but - as it is, that powers me through runs, bike rides, long walks and work-outs. It is my current body, as it is, that is transforming me into my future, fit self. Nobody else can do this for me.

Last night I went for a long bike ride. I was overtaken by a 'proper' cyclist and I secretly decided to try to race him... and failed as, within seconds, he disappeared off of the edge of the horizon. It occurred to me then that, to serious runners and cyclists, I must look a bit silly and laughable. (That's not to say that I don't take my own exercise seriously - I do.) I don't mind being an obvious newb. I don't mind making mistakes and plodding along at a fraction of the speed of others who are out on the road: I enjoy riding my classic-looking, squeaky ladies bicycle (think, 'Call The Midwife') and I LOVE running. I might seem slow to others or have poor technique, and I huff and puff a lot due to my anemia, but I am beating my own records and to me it feels like I am racing the wind. I feel powerful and fierce, I feel like I am soaring! The whole world could be watching me, laughing and honking their car horns, and it wouldn't stop me. I've found something I really love in outdoor exercise, and I truly look forward to getting better and better!

Juneathon? Count me in!

I've just learned about a little thing called, 'Juneathon'. The idea is that you run daily and blog about each run within 24 hours. Interested?

 

I can't participate with running as I am recovering from surgery, but I have signed up anyway. I plan to use Juneathon as an opportunity to set some small goals and to help ensure that I am keeping active while getting back on my feet.

"Are you hardcore enough to run and blog every day this month?" Sign up, and leave a comment below so that I can follow your Juneathon blog entries.

Recovering

I'm currently recovering from surgery. An operation became necessary for my health, and I went under the knife on Saturday morning. I am sore, sore, sore.

I've been advised by my consultant, nurses and a physiotherapist that any heavy lifting, strenuous activity or exercise should be avoided for a minimum of 4 weeks, up to 10 weeks. So that throws a spanner in my works! My lovely plan of getting in shape for summer by regular running, long-distance walking and weekly kickboxing is a officially a no-go. I'm still allowed to walk as much as I am comfortable but unfortunately I'm not very comfortable at present.

Of course it is early days, and being told that walking can't do any harm provides some comfort to me in that, when I am feeling more able, at least I will be able to keep a little bit of this fitness that I have been working so hard for. I will be able to go for longer walks as I recover and, though I can't go running, a 5 mile walk three or four times a week should keep me from becoming the total couch potato that I was before I started the Couch to 5k program 5 months ago.

The weather has been so lovely as well - the evenings are very inviting. They almost beckon me forth to scramble out of my little blanket-nest-pit on the sofa, straighten myself down and step outside. Even if it's just one step for now, or two or three... It's something.

Still running, and this is why:

When running, it can seem as though the whole world is ahead of you, and gives a unique sense of being able to achieve just about anything:

And in seconds you can look back over your shoulder and see how far you've come in such little time:

I love this. I am not talented enough, as a writer, to put into words the feeling that I experienced on this particular run, so I hope the photos can go part way to demonstrating what I mean.

The images above were taken toward the end of an amazing run. Across 10 miles, I was running toward sunny, blue skies - with dark clouds and what looked like rain behind me. I managed to stay ahead of the rain right up until I reached the main road on my way back home. Rain did eventually catch up with me, and I got caught in a thunder storm, but there was something pretty glorious about running through that in itself. It was such fun!

As I explained in this post, I no longer run with single aim of 'getting skinny' in mind. For many different reasons, I no longer force myself out of the door but I look forward to getting my training shoes on and am eager to set foot on my running routes. In fact the only reason that I don't run more than I do, is because I feel guilty about leaving the children so often.

I discover, almost every time that I hit the road, that I am getting some fresh enjoyment from running. I find that I am running for new and differing reasons to what I had considered before. On my run yesterday, when I covered 10 miles in the comfortable pace of 3.5 hours, I discovered the solid sense of ability, confidence and accomplishment that can come from running.

Although I usually hate photos of myself, and the above is a particularly 'bad' photo with messy hair and chubby cheeks, I took this in a moment when I felt on top of the world, and seeing this photo makes me really happy. I cherish this time. This is 'my' time. If I had to put into words how I feel about running at the moment, I would say that I'm falling in love with it.

Overdue update

I've neglected my blog recently, but my mind has still be on the task of changing my lifestyle around and being healthy. I've been keeping a daily diary on paper, of my goals for the day and whether I meet them.

So how have I been getting on? I've been loving the sunshine and longer evenings for long walks and gentle jogs. Unfortunately I've been struck down with a nasty virus this week, but on the plus side the lbs have been dropping off! Now that I'm feeling a little better, I have the added motivation to keep up the good work as I don't really want to pile those lbs back on. I've not been starving while I've been poorly, I've just had little appetite so I've been eating much smaller portions and not eating excessively, so I hope to continue this as it evidently does work.

I do need to get back into updating my myfitnesspal diary daily, as I have been falling short here and I need to keep track of those calories. I might also start updating this diary every day, in the same fashion that I've been using my paper journal (simple list of goals and whether I've achieved them or not).

I ran the sport relief mile on Sunday but, although I was happy with my fitness level for the run, I look so FAT in the photos of the event. This is all just more motivation to keep going. I also bought myself some new running trousers. They're lovely and comfortable but they are literally skin tight - you can see every ripple, lump, bump and wobble through the material - It's like running naked! I definitely need to keep going to fix this!

The really good news is I've managed to find a sort of consistency. I'm regularly active - even if it's just a 30 minute walk. I'm conscious of my eating every day rather than just mindlessly scoffing, and I am pretty sure I'm eating less, though I need to update MFP more often to be sure that my calories aren't creeping up. I've also managed to kick the gluten out of my diet! I've been gluten free for over a fortnight now, and I feel great for it.

I'm back, I'm focussed, I'm good

I finally snapped myself out of it (for meaning of 'it', see previous post). I feel focussed, positive and determinate. I've decided to try not to look at huge, far away goals. I am taking this in sets of 10 days, one day at a time. I now have a chart  on my kitchen wall, split into 10 days (day 1, day 2, day 3 etc) with each day having a checklist. When I reach day 10, I'll start a new chart, at day 1 again. If it's only 10 days, it feels doable. So long as each day I tick off every item on the list, I should continue to make progress, improve my fitness and see a good, steady weight loss. Just one day at a time.

My ticklists contain things that I should be doing, but haven't been strict enough on myself about such as:

Day one

Remember to take medications
Run
Add all food to MFP
<1500 Kcal
NO gluten

Day 2

Remember to take medications
REST
Add all food to MFP
<1500 Kcal
NO gluten

Day 3

Remember to take medications
120minutes walking (brisk pace)
Add all food to MFP
<1500 Kcal
NO gluten

Day 4

Remember to take medications
REST
Add all food to MFP
<1500 Kcal
NO gluten

Day 5

Remember to take medications
Run
Add all food to MFP
<1500 Kcal
NO gluten

....you get the idea. I have a plan. I have the determination to stick to this plan. It should work. Fingers crossed. I'll let you know how I get on.

Why Run?

There have got to be lots of ways to get fit, right? If you're interested in why I chose running, or you're thinking of starting to run, here are my personal reasons to run:

• Convenience. Running is something I can do on my own, with no equipment required (except for my super cushy springy runny shoes). It is something I can do as much or as little of as I please, or am able to fit in. I am able to make my own schedule, make my own rules, be my own fitness coach. I am able to slip in to my running shoes while my husband distracts our little ones, and be out of the door in 3 minutes before any of them notice. I can be back in 30 minutes, having completed my work out for the day, before my children have the chance to actually miss me.  If I want to run longer, I can go out after bedtime and enjoy the evening air. It's liberating. It's exhilarating. It's freedom. It's MY time. And I own it.
• Running feels good. Believe it or not, once you get past the first few hard runs, you stop forcing yourself to go out the door and you get to a point where you can barely wait to get out there! Running is addictive. It feels good. This is because of endorphins. These little feel-good chemicals are released in our bodies when we run. Endorphins are well-known to help relieve stress (and even ease the symptoms of depression). When I run, I feel good for hours afterwards. More than, 'good', I feel almost euphoric. I feel positive, excited, in control... elated. You've heard of 'runners' high', right? Well, it actually exists! It is a highly motivating influence in getting me out of the door each day.
• Self-esteem. Running helps me to feel good about myself. I am actively doing something to help improve my health and my fitness level. I am tackling my weight problem in a healthy and sensible way. I am in control. I am making positive changes, setting myself goals and meeting them. I am achieving. 
• Me-time. Being a mum of 3 tiddlers, I don't often get much 'me-time'. When I am running, it is my time. It is my time to think about whatever I would like to, or to think of nothing at all. When running I can clear my mind and just enjoy the pounding of my feet upon the pavement. When I am running, my only responsibility is to myself. I do not need to think about what the children are doing, what the house looks like, or anything at all. All I need to do, is complete my run. I love this. This is my time.
• Getting outside. It sounds corny, and maybe it is, but when I run I feel 'connected' in some way. I am outdoors, with the wind brushing through my hair, I can breath in fresh air while my feet tread over dirt or grass, while I run past trees and flowers and birds... Running outside connects you to nature and brings a new appreciation for the outdoors. Corny, but true. You might not realise how much you can appreciate 'nature' until you get out there and experience it regularly.
• Improvement. Achievement. When running, I can set myself goals and achieve them. I can aim to run further, or faster. I can achieve. I can aspire. I can better myself. I can see myself improve. I am limitless. I am free. There is nothing that is beyond my capabilities, I can do anything. Running puts me in a position of power, and shows me just how much I can make of myself. Running is 'me' becoming the best version of myself.

That is why I run. When I started running, my only reason was, "to lose weight", but I discovered that there are much more compelling reasons to get out there and get running. Why don't you give it a go yourself, and find out why YOU run?

A Penny Drops...

I have felt very motivated since I last posted. I think it is due to a new perspective that I have adopted. That new perspective is to do with 'this' not being about 'skinny' anymore, but about being healthy. That in mind, I have traded my car in for my legs and I am walking wherever possible. The distance doesn't matter - If there is a safe pedestrian footpath all the way there, the car stays at home.

I suddenly realised I don't need to depend on my husband to babysit so that I can go running, or wait until the children are all in bed (when I may be too tired) to do an exercise DVD: I can get exercise every day just by walking instead of driving! I got my car less than 2 years ago, and since then I have gained about 3.5 stone. I think my body may be trying to tell me something! It's time I pricked up my ears and really listened to what my body is saying.

Just to prove what I am saying is true, here is a photo of me when I was pregnant with my twins, before I started driving:



I wasn't on any special diet to keep my weight in check. I didn't ever think about what I ate - I just used to walk everywhere. I think walking is under-rated as exercise goes, so I'm giving it a real go leaving the car at home at every opportunity.

I think the penny has finally dropped, that could make all the difference for me now. It's not about getting thin anymore, it's about getting healthy - and I've really surprised myself in realising that I want that much more than I care about what my body looks like! Losing weight will be a bonus. A big bonus, but it's not the focal point. Getting fit is. And being healthy.

When I was in college, I used to get up at 6 every day to jog the 16 miles there. Then I'd get the bus home, have dinner, and get on my bike to cycle 16 miles to my boyfriend's house - and cycle back again afterwards, too. I loved exercise and being active, and I want to get back to that. When I started college and started walking and cycling everywhere, I dropped 5 dress sizes (went from an 18 to an 8) without even trying OR noticing. I just noticed the fitness aspect and how much I was enjoying myself and loving the exercise and the 'runners high' that I used to get.

As I'm becoming more active now, it's all flooding back. The post-run-euphoria, the enjoyment of walking for miles in the evening sunshine, the sense of satisfaction upon arriving after working hard to get somewhere. I've found that I don't care quite so much about 'skinny' anymore. I want to be fit and healthy. That's what I really care about.

And I think that's what's kept me on track since I last posted as well. I don't think 'skinny' is a realistic, healthy or sustainable goal or motivator, because it's long-term, it's too far off in the future. I think I would grow bored or frustrated if skinny was my only goal, and would be at risk of giving up long before my goal was within grasp. Because I'm the type of person who has to see results to keep myself in the game. Fitness and Health are long-term goals but they are ongoing goals as well. I can see results each time it easier to walk that distance, each time I walk a little further, run a little faster, get less out of breath... I can see my improvement in bite sizes and can set mini-goals along the way as well that will keep me motivated and on-course.

So, with these mini-motivating-goals in mind, I have decided to enter this: http://www.kilomathon.com/?pages_id=2472 It gives me something to think and work and train towards. It's not until October, so I have plenty of time to train, prepare and make sure that I am capable. I'll only go for the 6.55km as it's the first event like this that I'll have entered. Next year I can go for 13km or 26 depending on how fit I am by then. I feel very excited thinking about all that is to come - my growing fitness, entering events, being fit enough to run these long distances. Any weight lost will be a bonus in my eyes. But it's not what it's about. Not anymore.

It really helps to have a goal, which is ongoing. It's no good having a goal like, "Skinny". Skinny is not my friend. So, I get skinny.... then what? I stop trying and put weight on again? Skinny is not my goal. Healthy is. And in my goal being to be healthy, it means I am not on a diet. I am not running to get skinny. I am running to be healthy and eating healthy foods that will nourish my body and give me energy. It is a lifestyle change and it is a lifeLONG change.

This thought used to fill me with dread. I used to sit and think, "I can never eat like I want to again - Even once I am skinny, I'll have to stay on a diet for the rest of my life, or I'll just get fat again!". Now I think about my healthy future, being a fit and keen running person... and I am excited! I want to be that person! As Winston Churchill said, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal; It is the courage to continue that counts". This is ongoing. I am turning my life around. I may well have some days where I don't get out there and run like I should, or where I take the car down the road into town rather than walking it, or where I eat gluten or sit on the couch all day - But failure is not fatal, because I can pick it up where I left off. I have the courage to continue. My goal (success - skinny?) is not final - My goal is ongoing. My goal is continuance.

I can't wait to enjoy the rest of my life as a fit, active and healthy person. Right now, I put on my running clothes and I'm aware I look ridicules at a size 16 with a bulging belly and wobbly thighs, but it's all for a purpose, and when I hit the street eventually in size 10 running clothes to go for a 10k run, people who sniggered at me now will not be sniggering then.

Runner's High, Endorphins and Eliza Dusku

I came across this picture when searching for Eliza Dushku pictures for some inspiration. I loved her as Faith in 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', and Missy in 'Bring It On'. I think her body is to die for. She's not crazy-skinny, and shes always looked so athletic and, above all, healthy. I would be a very happy bunny if I looked anything like the above picture - toned and slim.

But it's the caption I love the most.

"I'm addicted to endorphines: good, clean, healthy and free!"

I have experienced "runner's high" myself and can vouch for how good it feels. Why not feel like that every day? It's good, it's clean, it's healthy, it's free - AND it will help me achieve my weight loss / body goals. I think I'll go out for a run tonight. I don't care how cold it is. 

I did it!

I've been attempting the 'NHS Couch to 5k' for 2 weeks now... Today, I finally managed to complete the Week 1 podcast. And it felt easy! I could have kept going - I wanted to keep going! I don't know if that's the thyroxine working its magic, or my persitence and determination finally improving my stamina. Either way, I feel so much fitter now than when I first started out.

My diet is going well. I'm easily sticking below 1600 calories every day. And best of all, I feel good about myself. I've wanted to change for so long now and I'm finally doing it - I'm actually doing it!

So, what do we reckon? Time for progress photos? I think so!

Before:



Now:



Before:



Now:



Before:



Now:



Before:



Now:



I think there is a slight visible difference, but even if I can't see it yet, I feel so much healthier - and so much better about myself! When I started Couch to 5k, only 2 weeks ago, I could barely get through the warm up walk. Today I was able to complete the week 1 podcast, and could have gone on longer! I'm excited to get out and go for my run - I don't feel like I'm forcing myself anymore. And generally, I have so much energy - the horrible fatique that I've been living with for the last year or two is surely fading away...

The scales are testifying my hard work and success as well:

Starting weight:



Weight at last weigh in:



I need to weigh in again, soon. I'll also take my measurements before my next blog entry here and see if there's been any change in the inches!

I feel 100% determined to see this through, and I can't wait to see where I am this time next year.

Running, running, running...

I'm plowing ahead with the couch to 5K. Running.

Running is hard. If I don't have the right attitude I can see myself feeling frustrated and defeated, so I'm trying hard to keep the positive mental attitude. The thing with running is, and I know this from experience, if you stick at it your fitness very quickly improves.

For the last 2 years I've lived a very sedentary lifestyle. I've also put a lot of weight on. I am really unfit right now. Today was my 3rd run in 5 days, using the NHS couch to 5K podcast. On my first run I managed three 60 second runs (just about) with two reps of 90 second walks between and I felt ILL afterwards. My vision was blurred, my head was pounding, I felt sick and dizzy and faint. And TOTALLY defeated.

Still I got out again the next day and managed 2 reps with a lot less effort in terms of cardio and lung-exhaustion. I felt like I could have gone on but unfortunately my legs hurt badly and I had to come home and stretch it out to prevent injury.

I went out again today, after a two day break, and managed 6 reps of runs and 5 walks between. I felt like I hit that perfect balance between pushing myself and sitting in my comfort zone. I wasn't totally exhausted.

I'm confident that either tomorrow or the next day i'll be able to complete the week 1 track. I'll count that as the start of week 1 and I'll move onto week 2 after 7 days of completing the first track. I know that it is key to work within my own limits but I want to push myself enough that I'm making progress and improving my fitness. So far I think I'm managing this well.

The Dreaded Before Photos

In my Running Gear:











And some more 'honest' shots:









Let's hope that a year from now it's a very different image!